Woman Held Hostage By A Giant Red Lobster at Safeway

News Flash! During a 20-30 minute stand-off at the San Jose Safeway Check Out Stand--Mother Makes a Breakthrough!   

Situation: Mother Taken Hostage by a Giant Red Lobster! 

I began to wonder... how did this happen? We entered the doors, happy and peaceful. After all, she got to go to work with me since one of her staff was ill and she loves being at PHP, so all was well.

We got the cooked chicken, some salad fixings and were ready to go make our lunch when she spotted it!  This Giant Red Lobster, soft on the outside, stuffed with cushy material on the inside, who vaguely resembled Ariel's friend from the Little Mermaid but you can see that in the video.

Those of you that know me are probably aware that I believe that Lauren has the right to make decisions and to be supported in a way that works for her.  I have studied, practiced, listened and read but continue to be challenged at times over how to manage a challenging situation when it comes to her behavioral support needs. It is how I handle myself that can make the difference between power over another and peaceful negotiation.

I always like to present Lauren in the best light and want her to feel great about herself. My reality is that there are occasions that challenge me to my limit and when I am required to drain my body, my mind and my soul of all its patience, love and control, it has an effect.

The article entitled, "Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers" by Michelle Damient on November 10, 2009 from the website Disability Scoop shared the results of this research: "Mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers and struggle with frequent fatigue and work interruptions, new research finds." 

Oh yes, I literally felt I had been taken hostage in the war-zone at the things that sparkle for kids near the check out lines-temptations that drive every child to beg, plead and cry, thus inspiring this posts title. 

Many of you know my girl and only have seen her at her best. It is with great trepidation that I share the video, so it may not remain long on this site but I believe that those of you who wonder how to get past these behavioral support needs, might find this comforting in some way.  My mother always called it "misery loves company" and I suppose it is true at some level; I like to call it empathy. 1/2 but my gut is telling me to share, the other half is saying not to share.

After what felt eternal but was somewhere between 20-30 minutes, I had a decision to make. I had to get out of that store and back to work. I didn't want to by the large sea creature for $25 that would only take up more space, become a giant bedbug and forgotten in a day so yes "I Caved" in a way.

Given that she has had her sights on a new doll "Lavender Fields" for 30th August birthday, I calmly, and with certainty told her that "I'll buy that red lobster with the understanding that it would replace Lavender Fields (the doll) for her birthday and I promptly said "let's go buy it" and repeated that it would be replacing the doll.  I said it as matter of fact as if I was saying "it's hot outside".  Finally, with that, she paused, left the line and said "ok, I'll put the lobster back". She put the Giant Red Lobster back proudly announcing "I did it; I put the lobster back!"  

I wish I had thought of this strategy at the onset but when you are surprised by a sniper in the form of a Giant Red Lobster -- how does one shift so quickly?  You are taken surprise and there is nowhere to hide!

While I appeared to remain calm and reflected that calm to prevent further escalation in the fishbowl at Safeway, I felt like I was dying on the inside and it took until now to really have recovered - I suppose this blog is part of my therapy.  

The good news was that I waived the white flag.  My girl was "over it" as soon as "it was over".  I needed more time so when she kept telling me "I'm not mad at you"; I told her "I would get over it too".   

We have much to learn about leaving "it" behind and our sons and daughters are there to teach us how, I suppose.  It takes a toll but we are resilient and our love and support from others helps us overcome.   

I wish all of you relief from the war-zone, an endless supply of patience and white flags to wave and hope that knowing that you aren't alone provides some, even a small amount, of comfort to your day.