From School Districts to The Abyss of Day Services

In my work parents call and ask me for a recommendation about the best daytime program out there.  It is with great angst these families find themselves plunged into the endeavor of finding daytime services as their child leaves their well planned, structured and much more predictable IEP-driven services.

When I faced this with my baby-faced 22-year old I recall the arduous task facing me. I walked into what felt like the abyss of day programs, none of which seemed like anything that the structure of the school district programs offered. I was depressed, fatigued and felt that I would never find the right place.  A few of the other parents and I began discussing how we could start our own program, buy a business, anything to keep them from what felt like the depths of the black hole of day programs.  Finally, several of us selected the same program and it went rather well.

A lot of my angst came from seeing the various aged participants and thinking... "My baby does not belong spending the day with these "old people".  Of course, I was ignoring the fact that she spent a lot of time with me and my friends and likely from her perspective, we were "old people" too.

15-year difference in age - they never considered it an issue.

Yesterday, in talking with a family, I had an "aha" moment.

I reflected upon my first job out of school where I worked with a variety of people who were of all different ages. From 20 somethings to 60ish folks and it never occurred to me that I didn't belong there.  I was after all, now in the adult world and that is who lives and works there.
As you begin your journey to seek an adult day program for your son or daughter, think about your first job. Your trips to the store. Your doctor's office waiting room.  All people. All ages.  All colors. All right.

Pause, reflect, then think "if this were a job site, would all the people there be my or my child's age?" I suspect not unless you work at Google where the random gray-haired wanders by.

Many of the older people in the programs have much to teach our younger folks. I found that they are often nurturing, have more maturity and acted as a model for where I hoped my daughter would move toward over time.  The great news is that she has! 

My girl is blind to a person's color, age and accepts all abilities, what a gift.  We need to take a lesson from our children.

If you need guidance from other families, join us at the Parents of Adult Children at PHP on the third Monday from 11am-12:30pm each month.

Best to all in this challenging endeavor!